What does it mean to integrate grief?

One of the most transformative concepts I’ve encountered in my grief journey is the idea of grief integration. This article from What’s Your Grief does an excellent job of explaining what this means and why it matters.

Beyond “Getting Over It”

For years, I thought the goal of grief work was to “get over” the loss of my son. I thought healing meant no longer feeling pain, no longer missing him, somehow returning to who I was before.

But that’s not how grief works.

Grief integration is about learning to carry your loss as part of who you are, rather than trying to set it aside or move past it. It’s about allowing grief to become woven into the fabric of your life rather than fighting against it.

What Grief Integration Looks Like

According to the article (and my own experience), integrating grief means:

• Acknowledging your loss as a permanent part of your story
• Learning to hold both grief and joy simultaneously
• Allowing your loss to change you without defining you completely
• Finding ways to maintain connection with your loved one while moving forward in life
• Building a life that honors both who you were before and who you’ve become

Why This Concept Matters

When I first read about grief integration, something clicked. I realized I didn’t have to choose between healing and honoring my son’s memory. I didn’t have to pretend he never existed in order to find joy again. I could carry him with me—in my heart, in my work, in how I show up for others who are grieving.

Integration isn’t about resolution. It’s about learning to live with the reality of loss while still embracing life.

Read the Full Article

I highly recommend reading the complete article from What’s Your Grief. They offer research-based, compassionate insights into grief and healing.

Read: What Does It Mean to Integrate Grief? on What’s Your Grief

My Integration Journey

My own grief integration has been a long, winding path. It involved:

• Therapy (particularly EMDR for my PTSD)
• Spiritual practices and seeking connection with Shaun
• Writing my book, Grief Warrior
• Leading grief support groups
• Learning to experience joy without guilt
• Building a new identity that includes both mother-of-four and mother-who-lost-a-child

I’m still integrating. I think I always will be. And I’ve learned that’s okay—it’s not a failure to still be working on this years later. It’s part of the journey.

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Grief integration is personal and ongoing. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this process. There’s no timeline, no finish line—only the path forward.